These Words from A Dad Which Rescued Us during my time as a New Parent

"I think I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of being a father.

However the reality rapidly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good place. You require support. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to addressing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a wider failure to open up among men, who still internalise damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a show of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - taking a couple of days abroad, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I believe my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."