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Being a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, mostly enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Every time I begin seeing a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners once more.

Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, frequently causing significant heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire another man to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel somewhat confused.

Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle different types of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you could encounter a person who provides a life-changing chance for you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and see the value of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen true intimacy with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.